he will never

Thank you, Shawn Mendez, for your song about giving up, it was cool enough to decide in this matter of life and death, not physically but emotionally.

“I think unrequited love is just as valid as any other kind. It’s just as crushing and just as thrilling. No matter what happens in this situation, I want you to remember that what you are doing is selfless and beautiful and kind. You are loving someone purely because you love them, not because you think you’ll ever have your affections reciprocated. You are admiring something for its beauty, without needing to own it. Feel good about being the kind of person who loves selflessly. I think someday you’ll find someone who loves you in that exact same way.” – Taylor Swift

People think I’m the person with a lot of happiness in my tank, they didn’t know it was longing for something else. It was with pure sadness and hope.

The college journey immensely changed my life. Being one of the officers to run the school is not easy, as well as playing with yourself too. It was a roller coaster ride that everyone hates. For the time being of roaming around the game-changing building, we met. The tank of sadness found its way out to shine in the best possible way, to work hard in everything I do, to have a commitment to the work I accepted, to use the power I have to give orders. However, I want to give some orders to myself.

I should stop. It’s useless. Unrequited love is useless in this era. You see, it was tiring to join the battle that you know in yourself, you’ll never win.
As much as possible, I try to talk to you, your words are my resting place after the tiring work.

The love for you hasn’t changed. To be honest, it was intensely moving my heart to beat. It’s like the sun to its clouds, stars to their moon and water to the fishes. Why can’t I even let your words sink into my brain that you won’t let me enter that cold heart of yours and let me love you?

It’s painful. So painful that even my heart was used to it. In my life, I ate all the rejections passed by but your rejection was painful as fuck.

I can’t let my hands type your name in a day and see if you are on the line because it was my way of holding on.

But, the fuck life, stargazing in the city, its hard, really!

I put back all the shattered pieces of my heart to the nth time because I knew giving up isn’t in my blood, I had these gift to fight for I want and not giving up. I know there’s a way but fuck this weak heart.

Friendship is the sweetest gift you gave, you will give and you will ever give. What’s my catch with that?

I know, I don’t have the two appealing mountains in my chest. But love is love that even in the night I usually look up to the sky and wish one thing in this life and that’s you. Imaginations are too fun to handle, so was being happy. It was like a food with an expiration date.

I have accepted the fact that you will never feel the same way. Maybe I have to throw the hopes of my heart cause it will never happen because I’m too hard to love and complicated to be with.

I’m not good and I’m a fool. It was not real. I’m not real.

God can’t stop me to swim in the sea of hell, I will always love you like Snape to Lily. ALWAYS. I will love you from a distance and when you found the one, I will close my eyes and tell to myself, “he doesn’t know you” “you are just an imagination”
“you will die eventually with the hope he will meet you by stating your name written in your grave man”

I love, loved and will always love you.

Can you tell it to me? Even if you don’t mean it?

 

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Wrapper – November 14, 2017

where nothing stays the same

41 days left. Really? Christmas is near guys! Be joyful that the favorite season of some people will happen in 41 days. You can greet everybody. Its like you want to open a box full of surprises, but before that you have to remove the wrapper well, some doesn’t know what’s the essence of being a wrapper.

Image result for christmas wrapper designsYou see, we have different wrapping techniques, others will put some “artsy” thing like ribbon, card or envelope. But the thing is, the element of surprise is not there when you don’t have the wrapper. It is essential to a gift.

Like everybody else. Each and everyone of you is essential to the each other. Valuing the closeness of your friends is like you’re hiding the element of surprise or basically your true self in the wrapper of your friends. What do we mean by that wrapper? You hide your self in your laughs, melancholic days or maybe in dreams.

But still, one day, it will unravel. The wrapper will be removed  because they want to see the “gift” inside.

In short, nothing  stays the same. One day, your wrapper will be removed and probably you can show them the gift inside yourself.

Christmas is really the happiest season. Forty One Days Left! Spread the love.

 

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Your thoughts?

Rays – November 13, 2017

Its been months since the streak showed up. Since the ray of sun in the place got covered in the icy clouds of heart.  There are a lot of rays in the sun; and then two rays left. One stands for hope and the other stands for path.

HOPE – a feeling of expectation

The most unforgivable thought you will probably hear in your existence would be being rejected. The thoughts of being not enough will come on you but the rays of light are continuing to do stretch its capability to reach the other side of the mountain.

Hope. When in the world will you reach the other mountain? When will you stop stretching? When?

PATH – a way or track

The other ray can’t go to the mountain probably because of the the clouds. Maybe the ray of path is just just waiting for the clouds to vanish. It can’t move on. It can’t stretch and make a way for it to go to the other mountain. Same question, when?

Path. You will be the starting point for the other rays, yes; they are just waiting because that cloud is blocking you. They are begging you to fight for the good and not hope for the good. Now, choose.

One day, all rays will shine upon you. Just wait. All of them.

 

 

 

need your thoughts about this.

The 23rd of March

This is for him

It is getting hot, the summer season is getting near.

This day, I created this account, an account of gratitude, hate, revenge, love and everything. All.

Feeling the warmth as the sun touched every land in our place reminds me of something and someone.

Memories that filled my mind and sets it that the easiest thing to do is to forgive, how bout forget? Is it hard ? Like this heat, it’s hot because it is the season of summer.

Getting confused? Me too.

Just imagine this filled up memory. You love someone and she/he doesn’t love you back. Common, Typical and Normal. Yet, you can’t move on; realizing that you should be friends the all time and until the end.

I don’t know how I feel when I see your posts.

A feeling when you are telling yourself that you had moved on but not; telling yourself that it is about time yet you wanted to go back; telling yourself that you are happy yet jealous; telling yourself that “Hey guys! Look, ___ is happy now” yet you keep telling yourself that should be me.

This irritating heat is what you feel. You keep putting your sunblock to protect you from the effects of the sun but still, you feel the heat; every time.Still, you are affected.

You are pretending that “This season is awesome” – but still, it’s HOT. Freaking hot; that’s why during this sensation, you keep hiding inside the house just not to feel the heat.

You are pretending that it is okay but not. Fudge! I’m still in loved in your eyes.

Enjoy summer! They say. You should. Remember, this season is not forever.

Feel the heat.